Laura, you have created miracles, large and small, in so many lives and our children thank you. Folks, she's brilliant. It's wonderful to have parenting experts who don't see the child as the enemy in a locked combat, for one thing. I recommend it. I don't even have kids but I subscribe to your blog because you have amazing life lessons, and because I work with an autistic child and your blog really helps me stay grounded, sane, and compassionate with my work.
We have had several heartfelt conversations and I have seen a real change in how he treats his younger brother, and how he treats me. I love AhaParenting because there is always a "pick yourself up and try again" to it. My daughter reacts so much better when I empathize and stay patient.
And now I get to model that behavior instead of letting my frustration get the better of me. Thank YOU so much for your encouraging emails and Facebook posts!!! Since I began this process, I have noticed a difference in the compassion I show to myself, and how much more that helps me connect with my kids. We are all feeling a lot more overall peace. They're a life line when I really need support during a rough patch.
Thank you so much for this great advice! You give me ideas for how I can "do it better" and that lifts me up with hope and positivity too! Today I say thank you, tears streaming from my face, so proud of my little boy and all he will become. Thank you. Free weekly inspiration in your inbox. Give yourself the support you need, to be the parent you want to be.
Back to top. There's a better way to teach the lessons you want your child to remember. The lessons you want to teach, I assume, are: Our actions have an impact on the world.
We can always choose our own actions and we are responsible for them. Everyone makes mistakes. When we make a mistake, it is our job to repair things. Cleaning up messes is usually harder than making a more responsible choice to begin with.
Some things we can't undo; we can only try to make amends. It takes courage to do the right thing. But when we make responsible, considerate choices, we become the kind of person we admire, and we feel good about ourselves.
First move yourself from anger into empathy. Start the conversation with a warm connection. Tell your child you want to hear his thoughts about what happened. Then let him talk. Reflect only to clarify and demonstrate your understanding: "I see That's a hard choice. I would have been mad too, if someone said that to me Keep your focus on connecting with your child.
Ask open-ended questions instead of lecturing. Was she aware of making a choice? What led her to make that choice?
What does she think about it now? What were the bad things about that choice? Was it worth it? Did some part of her know that choice was a bad idea? If so, what kept her from listening to that voice? Would she do it again? Why or why not? How could she support herself to choose differently next time?
What support would she like from you, so she can choose differently next time? Resist the urge to jump in with punishments. So you ask him: What can you do now to make things better with your sister or with your teacher?
Did this incident show you anything in your life that you want to change, that's bigger than this one incident? How can I support you? Empower your child. What if he says no repair work is necessary?
Step into your own power. Set limits as necessary. If your child has broken a family rule, then you'll need to reinforce that rule. Removing privileges such as electronics can be an effective consequence for this age group.
By now you've laid the groundwork. Your child knows what's expected and that you mean what you say about the penalties for bad behavior. Don't let down your guard now — discipline is just as important for teens as it is for younger kids. Just as with;the 4-year-old who needs you to set a bedtime and enforce it, your teen needs boundaries, too.
Set up rules regarding homework, visits by friends, curfews, and dating and discuss them beforehand with your teenager so there will be no misunderstandings. Your teen will probably complain from time to time, but also will realize that you're in control. Believe it or not, teens still want and need you to set limits and enforce order in their lives, even as you grant them greater freedom and responsibility.
When your teen does break a rule, taking away privileges may seem the best plan of action. While it's fine to take away the car for a week, for example, be sure to also discuss why coming home an hour past curfew is unacceptable and worrisome. Remember to give a teenager some control over things. Not only will this limit the number of power struggles you have, it will help your teen respect the decisions that you do need to make.
You could allow a younger teen to make decisions concerning school clothes, hair styles, or even the condition of his or her room. As your teen gets older, that realm of control might be extended to include an occasional relaxed curfew. It's also important to focus on the positives. For example, have your teen earn a later curfew by demonstrating positive behavior instead of setting an earlier curfew as punishment for irresponsible behavior.
Perhaps no form of discipline is more controversial than spanking. Here are some reasons why experts discourage spanking:. Reviewed by: Lauren M. O'Donnell, PsyD. Larger text size Large text size Regular text size. Here are some ideas about how to vary your approach to discipline to best fit your family.
Ages 0 to 2 Babies and toddlers are naturally curious. Your teen's doctor may be able to give you some guidance on effective ways to punish your teen and how to reduce negative behavior in the future.
If you do issue a grounding, the way you handle it can often have the greatest impact on its success. After you specify a time limit for the grounding, changing it can only reduce its effectiveness. Candice Coleman worked in the public school system as a middle school and high school substitute teacher. In addition to teaching, she is also a tutor for high school and college students.
More Articles. It seems that most of the time she's grounded and I feel bad. My boyfriend grounded her for seven days for sneaking my iPad and watching tv at 4 am after being told not to. I just think seven days is too long to be grounded for unless a chid was violent. My daughter comes out of her room for drinks, bathroom breaks and meals but if she comes out to socialize with me or her sister and if I talk to her, braid her hair while I watch my tv show or let her play w friends after five days of punishment he tells me I'm a bad mom and says mean stuff.
Idk what to do. If he says you're a bad mom for braiding her hair and talking with her, he's an idiot and you should kick him to the curb.
She's your daughter. He is going to drive a wedge between you and your daughter a 7 year old confined to her room and not allowed to spend time with her family is ridiculous. Dont let this boyfriend of yours dictate you and your childs relationship she will resent you when she is older and may harbor some resent now. This boyfriend of yours shouldn't be given that much power it should be something you as her mother are comfortable with.
If it pleases him great, if not his opinion shouldn't be valued anyway. Sister almost lost her job but got hours cut instead. What is a reasonable amount of time to be grounded n phone taken away? My 16 year old daughter got caught shoplifting at target.
She was with her best friend who apparently shoplifts all of the time. The girls got stopped at the door, the friend ran, but my daughter stayed put. My daughter gets good grades and is an athlete. She has always been painfully honest with me so I believe her that this was the first time.
They didn't press charges, they said she seemed like a good kid who made a bad decision, but she is banned from all targets for 1 year. I've been reading all of these articles that say anything over a week of grounding is ineffective, but they are for things like missing curfew.
This is more severe. I took her phone away and I see the texts popping up, the other girl is pretending she wasn't even there. My daughter can't even defend herself because I took her phone. She has a fairly new boyfriend that is leaving for school in 3 days. I'm not trying to ruin her life. But I also want the punishment to have an impact.
Please help!! How long should i ground my 6 year old daughtee because of her snotty attitude and what is best way to ground her. At first blush, yes, but you don't know what Dad has to put up with at home.
If you express sympathy for the Dad and let him know you understands how hard it is to punish a child he loves, you may get more leverage; or if nothing else, you may get to commiserate with and comfort the kid a bit. My daughter is 10 almost 11 an is generally a pretty good girl. But I got some stuff from school saying that she has not been turning homework an not following rules. She also pulled a chair away from a kid so he'd fall.
Her grades r great an she listens fairly well. But I really don't like that she's not doing homework. I was thinking taking her phone away for 2 days an no video games or tv.
But on wed night she goes to church. Do I still let her go? I kinda feel it be wrong to keep her from church. Almost 18 year old daughter has a bad reputation for sleeping about, she denies it and seems to be in a relationship with a 20 year old. She asked to stay at his house after college and I refused to let her because of this reputation I fear she has, this caused an argument and she is now threatening to move out again, am I right to ground her and for how long?
Perhaps instead of grounding you could have get sit down and write sentences like I will have a good attitude or I will be nice to my family. You need to go to therapy as a family with your son because what he is doing is not acceptable to society.
Ground him to his room for a long time with nothing to do, keep him in there and make sure he stays in there.
If he starts to get physical with you, your wife or anyone don't hesitate to be a little physical back. I'm not saying to beat him half to death but you should at most only slap him across the face, that's how my father set me straight and all I did was talk back.
Try talking to him when he's calmed down and try to find the source of his anger. If all else fails try contacting Dr. Your daughter is a good kid who made a bad choice, I think you should keep it a week but you should let her talk to her boyfriend before he leaves or else she might start to act out against you. Remember your daughter is a good kid but she was pressured by her friend into doing the wrong thing, if anything you should talk to her friends parents and have your daughter hang out with her less often.
I do the same thing. My son is 14 and in 9th. However it has no effect on him to be grounded and have extra chores for even up to 3 months. This has been going on for at least 4 years. If I watch him like a hawk he makes A's and B's easily but if I don't he just doesn't do schoolwork and lies about it.
He is a good kid in all other ways. He will fail school if I do nothing. So tired of dealing with it. I feel that it's too excessive if a punishment for her age only been a month she been doing this. So far it's 6 weeks then says oh what want to eat for your birthday dinner sat when birthday on Monday? Isn't that confusing her if punish then ask what she wants to eat?
Seriously confusing. The police and Social Services were involved and it took me eight,nearly nine years to get sole custody of my kids!
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