What makes someone judgmental

When you can see beyond the facades of people very quickly like I can, it is easy to slip into a judgmental outlook. Being tired, overworked, or busy makes this tendency even worse. However, ultimately being judgmental is a self-esteem problem. By finding something to dislike or condemn about others, we are a protecting ourselves from being vulnerable, b avoiding our own faults, and c inflating our egos with false self-worth.

All of these points relate back to our frail self-esteem. So how do we end the habit of judgmentalism? The answer is that above all, you will need to work on your self-esteem. The more accepting you are of yourself, the more accepting you will be of others. Conversely, the more rejecting you are of yourself, the more rejecting you will be of others. Your self-talk involves all the thoughts you have about yourself in waking reality.

Good opportunities to do this often happen while interacting with others, going to work, looking at yourself in the mirror, or making a mistake. You can also use your emotions to hook yourself into your inner talk.

What thoughts or assumptions are behind your feelings? Next, in a journal, record your self-talk. Do this every day, without fail! Try to find common themes or patterns that reveal your underlying core beliefs. These beliefs will give you something to work with. Easier said than done, right? But by slowly and steadily working to accept yourself, you become less critical of others as well.

Self-acceptance is about honoring and allowing space for all that it means to be human. Instead of putting yourself up to high standards, self-acceptance is about realistically looking at yourself, understanding why you are the way you are, and embracing who you are at a core level. When we judge others, we tend to do so quickly as a result of our beliefs and misconceptions.

But jumping to conclusions blinds us, causing us to quickly shut off and ignore the complexity of others. For example, people who are mean, cruel, shallow, untrustworthy, or unfriendly almost always act from some kind of inner pain — usually fear or sadness more about that here.

By looking beneath the facade and immediate appearance of a person, we often find very human and tragic struggles. This, in turn, helps us to show compassion. Be willing to be wrong. None of us can. So whenever you start to feel that wall go up between yourself and another, stop. When being judgmental is a habit, it causes your mind to become narrow so that you see with tunnel vision.

You cease to be grounded in reality , becoming lost in the world of your judgments instead. One of my favorite practices to counteract judgmentalism is mindfulness exercises.

Mindfulness is about paying attention to the present moment. When you start to feel the walls of judgmentalism go up, try noticing your surroundings instead. Feel the breeze on your skin, notice the colors and sounds around you — take everything in. By redirecting your focus to the present moment, you cut the cycle of judgmental thoughts.

Finally, be careful of judging your judgmentalism! But please realize that many people struggle with this issue. You are not alone. So sit with it, think about it, and work on accepting yourself, EVEN and most importantly your judgmental tendencies.

Aletheia Luna is an influential spiritual writer whose work has touched the lives of millions worldwide. After escaping the religious cult she was raised in, Luna experienced a profound existential crisis that led to her spiritual awakening. We spend hundreds of hours every month writing, editing and managing this website. If you have found any comfort, support or guidance in our work, please consider donating:. A scientist who frequently criticizes the arts, for example, is more likely to be an overly judgmental person than, say, the scientist who criticizes her own profession.

In his or her rush to condemn others, an overly judgmental person often will not stop to gather all the facts. Once again, this is because the act of judging—and classifying—is more important than the long-term accuracy of the judgment itself. Thus, even when working with scant evidence, such a person will often rush to a conclusion. As critical as an overly judgmental person may be of others, the sword is often sharpest when they turn it on themselves.

Given their wealth of knowledge about themselves, it's also often the most debilitating. At the root of an overly judgmental mindset is a desire to keep others at bay. Through constant criticism and labelling, other people are kept at arm's length, shrouded as they are in classifications like "bad" or "ugly," as opposed to being seen for who they are.

This generally comes from a distrust of others—many judgmental individuals assume that, if they let other people get close, they'll wind up hurt. Because an overly judgmental person is generally threatened by others, they seek to understand those they fear by labeling them. Thus, such a person will often be unable to tolerate ambiguity, as it makes it more difficult to fit said person into a neat little box. In much the same way that overly judgmental people have difficulties accepting the variability of their fellow humans, they also struggle to see the mixed consequences of many actions.

Instead of recognizing an act as, say, good in some ways and bad in others—as most are—they see an act which is either "good," or "bad," no ifs, ands, or buts. While most people are a bundle of confused—and often paradoxical—traits, an overly judgmental person will tend to focus on one such aspect of someone's personality, allowing it to crowd out the rest.

Thus, they tend to reduce people to one dimension: the brilliant scholar who often daydreams becomes, for them, "that space cadet," while her many accomplishments are swept under this rug of criticism. Oftentimes, the flip-side to being overly judgmental is being a perfectionist. Since, in their mind, most things are subpar—including their own work— and thus in need of constant criticism, an overly judgmental person will tend to seek "perfection" as a way to escape this never-ending drumbeat of judgment.

Unfortunately, as any perfectionist knows, the road to perfection is actually more of a bridge to nowhere. The fact is, an overly judgmental person is not exactly fun to be around. Despite possibly having many other good qualities, being in proximity to so much negativity can be exhausting for anyone. So, if your friends start dropping off like flies for what seems to be no good reason, you might want to ask yourself whether you're doing something that is making them uncomfortable.

And constantly criticizing others is certainly liable to do just that. Even if friends remain, they may become mum about the things most meaningful to them. This is because they know that their overly judgmental friend will be unable to listen to their problems with an open mind, or provide answers honestly in the friend's best interest.

Thus, they may refrain from speaking about the things they actually care about with those they consider judgmental, knowing that—while they can withstand hearing the negativity when it is directed at other people—they will not be able to tolerate it when its penetrating glare turns to their own issues and insecurities. Being overly judgmental is a defense mechanism meant to protect the self from what could be a harmful world.

Judgmental people have three common traits: They are overly critical, they show no respect for the person they criticize, and they justify what they say because they believe it is the truth. People can become judgmental due to their pride, their hurt and anger at being wronged, and a lack of love for others. Three ways to overcome being judgmental include self-reflection, forgiveness, and seeing the whole person. No one can handle being criticized all the time.

It puts a strain on a relationship because the person being criticized feels unloved. Further, when someone is too critical, it is human nature not to like them. A judgmental person repels others and will have a hard time forming long-term relationships. Judgmental people repel people not only because of their words, but also their tone. They will speak to or about a person with hatred, contempt, or disrespect. Instead of speaking calmly and rationally, they can be highly emotional—hurling insults, or using profanity.

A judgmental person will often justify the things they say because they believe it is the truth. However, the truth should not be used as a weapon to hurt someone, or to destroy their self-worth. Every human being has worth and value because they are a human being, not because they are good or bad, a success or a failure. They are unable to separate a person from their actions. Judgmental people often believe they are superior to the person they are criticizing.

In looking down on others, the judgmental person has an ego problem: a heart filled with pride. In addition to pride, a person can become judgmental when they are angry at being wronged. Hurt and wounded inside, their heart can grow cold, and they harshly judge the person who mistreated them.

Whatever the root cause, a judgmental person has a heart that lacks love for other people. The danger in being judgmental is that once you feel hatred, contempt, or disrespect for one human being, it becomes easier to transfer these feelings to another. One way to stop being judgmental is through self-reflection, by recognizing that everyone has faults. The more a person self-reflects, and realizes their own shortcomings, the easier it is to love and accept people as they are.

Another way to stop being judgmental is to forgive the person who wronged us. A third way to stop being judgmental is to open our eyes and see the whole person. If we can see the whole person, it is much easier to love them. Instead of being judgmental, we should be selective in our criticism. The more you criticize, the more you will be criticized, and the less likely people will listen to you.

However, there are times when we have a duty to speak. For instance, if a person is hurting us or someone else , it is right and just to speak the truth to make them stop.

In some instances, we may have to be bold and direct. But before we correct someone, we should show them love and respect. When a person feels loved and respected, they are more likely to listen to us when we tell them the truth.

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